I’d love to write about how I’m always eager for change—always ready to take on the next challenge and open my heart to new and exciting things.
I’d love to write that...but I’d be lying. Sometimes, when life seems uncertain, I revert back to old stories that I’ve told myself.
Stories are just a string of thoughts in our head that we sometimes believe (and shouldn’t). I told myself for years that I didn’t deserve to be cared for in the way I want. I still believe this, sometimes, and find my way crawling through my negative emotions. When things change or seem uncertain, I revert back to this story.
I find myself thinking about leaving my current relationship because I believe I don’t deserve the kind of compassion and care he’s willing to give. I find myself starting to self-sabotage.
Becoming aware of your own forms of self-sabotage can be freeing. You just need to practice catching yourself in the act. How?
1. Be present in the moment.
2. Accept your emotions as they are. Cry, if you need to.
3. Write out the facts. What is REALLY going on? What is the story you’re telling yourself?
4. Re-write that story. How will you take effective action?
5. Forgive yourself for being hard on yourself.
6. If you need/want support, communicate with a friend or loved one. I’m lucky enough to have a significant other who will let me talk through my emotions regarding our relationship.
My boyfriend took this picture of me whilst walking around in Chicago. I thought it was fitting because I'm standing in between two legs (which isn't the most natural pose). It feels unnatural to catch your thoughts in the act of betraying yourself. Yet, it's freeing.